Director Anand Gandhi wrote a moving eulogy for his friend, actor Sushanth Singh Rajput, who died on Sunday. In his nine-part eulogy, he shared his stories about Instagram and said that the deceased actor made more money in an hour than most people do in an hour.
The sun was last seen at 9:15 in the morning. His unchanging status as Whatsapp is always announced in my phone – a epitaph engraved on a binary stone – is more solid than granite, more fragile than a memory, he wrote, recalling their deep conversations. Sushant was made of flesh and blood and ideas. He played with ideas, just like a child plays with toys and for the same reasons – to discover, to invent and to learn, he said.
According to Anand, Sushanth didn’t worry too much about successes and failures, because both lead to the same results – discovery, invention and training. If so, then only to a place where no one has ever been, so that the roads can be asphalted for the next in turn, he wrote.
But to get there, you have to be alone first. He stayed gracefully in the mountains, he survived down there, it’s a tire where he froze. The hinges and arrows contradict him the most. When he showed me his list of fifty things he wanted to achieve in a year, I asked him what his candidates had to learn from his experience. I want them to know it’s possible. He took more life in an hour than most people take in their lives. He played, he wondered, he stole. He wanted to bridge the gap between what is and what can be, wrote the director.
The man who danced in front of the millionth crowd was shy, the man who ran into the system was gentle and the man who inspired many to prosper. So don’t make me pass on the error of generations. Allow me to celebrate my colleague, but don’t let me romanticize his suffering. Sushanth committed suicide. Maybe what he hid as duality is the polarity that tore it apart. The embers we all saw could have come from whatever was burning inside us, he said.
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Anand said he didn’t quite understand the switch in us that makes us bend gently for the night, but he stressed that the call for help wasn’t intrusive and the vulnerability wasn’t vulgar. He went on to say that in their many conversations he never felt that anything was wrong and that he wanted to dig deeper.
Sushanth and I talked for hours about physical integration, but I didn’t ask him if he felt sufficiently involved. We spent the evenings talking about weightlessness, but I never realized the ground could slip under his feet. We talk endlessly about what we think because meaning is so important to us, but I’m sorry I didn’t ask him how he feels from time to time, because I know it doesn’t matter what we think, sometimes life can still feel empty, he wrote.
What he left alive is a hunt that he inspired millions of people – a hunt, he says, on the unknown and the known unknown. For his persecution, for the man I knew and wanted to know, he shut himself off.
Sushant committed suicide on Sunday. The news of his death shocked and saddened the film fraternity, many stars paid tribute to him on social networks. He was reportedly depressed and the Mumbai police are investigating the issue of professional competition as part of the investigation into his death.
If you or someone you know needs help, contact your nearest mental health professional. Hotlines: Aasra: 022 2754 6669; Snow Foundation India: +914424640050 and Sangiwini: 011-24311918